I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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