remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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