So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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