No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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