It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
