I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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