Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
