Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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