The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
