you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
