I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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