dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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