Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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