I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
