Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
