I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
