John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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