Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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