On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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