I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
