she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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