he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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