i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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