Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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