Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
