I bet he comes in French.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
