I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
