I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh god it's open bar.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
