Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
