i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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