it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
