I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
