Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were trust falling into bushes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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