Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
