There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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