so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you never un-have a 4some
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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