We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
