Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
