is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When did angry sex become our thing?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
