I think I am morally bankrupt
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
