Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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