Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
