omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
