man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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