everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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