just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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