he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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