i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
