My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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