Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
