I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
