At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
