I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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