i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
