This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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