I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
