You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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