i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
