shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
