he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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