Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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