If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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