Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
