Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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