even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
