I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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